Joe:
I guess one of the most important aspects in our children’s development is making and maintaining relationships with friends. In particular, how can we help our children develop relationships with the people that will help them grow as opposed to making "friends" with people that might teach them the wrong things?

Michele:
Research has shown that children with chronic friendship difficulties are prone to having poor-self esteem and become low achievers. As adolescents they frequently have drug and alcohol problems and are more likely to drop out of school. As adults they have problems in relationships. As a parent you wonder, "How can I nip this problem early on?"

If your child is having problems making friends, there are parenting strategies that can help. Here are four ideas that can help.

1. Arrange one-on-one play opportunities.
   This is the time when your child invites only one child over for a couple of private play hours to get to know one another and practice friendship-making skills. Provide snacks and then try to keep interruptions to a minimum: siblings should not be included, and television should not be a play option.
2. Match your child’s interests with group activities.
   Provide opportunities for your child to find friends who share common interests, styles and values. The trick is to match your child’s strengths with the same kind of group activities that nurture his interests. If your child’s strength is singing, you might look for a choir for him to join. If soccer is her passion, find her a soccer team to join. You’ll be enhancing not only your child’s natural talents but also his social skills.
3. Provide interactive toys.
   Some toys lend themselves to interactive play and be great icebreakers to start kids talking. The UCLA Social Skills Training Program notes that the best interactive toys are ones that require at least two people to use, have simple rules, are inexpensive, don’t encourage aggression, and are fun by kids’ standards. Board games, marbles, ball games, pretend figures, and dolls are appropriate.
4. Teach conversation openers.
   Make a list with your child of easy conversation openers he can use: what he could say to someone he already knows, an adult he hasn’t met, a friend he hasn’t seen in a while, a brand-new student at school, or a child he would like to play with on the playground. Keep in mind that kids rarely start conversations with other children by shaking hands and issuing formal introductions. The more common approach is just to walk up and say, "Hi, I’m (name). Can I play?" "Is it OK if I play too?" or "Do you need another guy on your team?" You need to write down ideas for conversation starters and take turns rehearsing them together until your child feels comfortable trying them on his own.

I also recommend that if your child is shy, try pairing him with a younger or less skilled child. This helps reticent kids practice learning new social skills. Your child will feel much more confident practicing any new skills with someone less skilled than himself. A younger sibling, cousin, neighbor, or even one of your friend’s younger children is always a safer partner than a more self-assured, skilled, older child.

Joe:
Social life for kids is becoming increasingly dangerous. In a previous generation, a punch in the nose is now being replaced with a gunshot wound. The issue of the bully has taken on new ominous proportions. Do you have any advice for parent whose children come home and say that they are the victims of bullies?

See Michele's answer to this question
Bullying

Self esteem